When I was little, I used to arrange the dolls on the bed and tell them stories. Yes, I dreamt of becoming a teacher already in early childhood; but not just any teacher, one who guides and directs her students. I was a very good student at school and really loved to learn, although it was sometimes difficult.
I grew up, and at the age of 18, the dream dissipated and the reality of life intruded, and I realized on the day of my army recruitment, that from there, I wasn't going anywhere!! I knew I would sign on for permanent army service at the end of regular service. Why? Because all my life I was taught to survive. Initially, I was in the Border Guard Service, then the police .This gave me an appropriate framework in the right place at the right time, which gave me a sense of belonging, financial security, and the home I lost somewhere along the way.
I always adjusted myself to the situation instead of the opposite. Remember, I'm a survivor? I fall alone and I get back up alone. What is more appropriate than staying in permanent army service, a warm and embracing framework, that cares and protects, where you are part of something, of someone, and where you can just be!
I served 13 years in the Israel Police. I was there in wartime, during the disengagement from Gaza, during various evacuations, and attacks. I served as security during the Pride Parade, the Love Parade, the Life Parade, events at Rabin Square, with reinforcements at the Temple Mount and during fights of Jews against Jews, Arabs against Arabs, Jews against Arabs, blacks against whites, and women against men. I served when it was so hot outside no one dared breathe in the street and when it was so cold. . I served when roads were blocked, at night, early morning, at noon, in past, present, and the future. I was there! I was everywhere, whatever you saw on your television screen together with all of Israel, and made tsk, tsk, sounds with your tongue as a sign of solidarity or pain!
Thirteen years of absolute obedience, of realizing overt and covert roles, handling violent events, suicides, pain, sorrow, youths at risk, aggressive struggles, battered and neglected women; I worked to prevent road accidents. I was there! I was in them all!!
However, only one thing I did not give up that was my studies. I studied at the Open University, hard and tedious self-study, obligatory and strict, and received two degrees – one in education and two teaching certificates. Later, I added to my basket various certification and specialization studies: the decoding of drawings and graphology, awareness cards, group coaching, personal training, youth training, and more.
So all the beautiful years of my childhood, fun, parties, enjoying my twenties, I missed it all, because in my job I had to be serious and responsible. I got up every morning at 5:00 o'clock, when everyone else was sleeping, arrived fresh and alert for a long workday, and at the end, sat down and wrote neat, handwritten reports in my small room because I didn't even have a computer.
But at the age of thirty-three, I got up and shouted enough!! Stop the world, I want to get off! I decided to take off the uniform, free myself from all frameworks and go free! I went to fulfill my dream and realize my destiny – to be a teacher.
Today I can tell you the truth: I was never asked what I wanted to do when I grew up.
Now I know that I want to live a full life. I want to eat dinner on Friday with my family, spend holiday evenings like everyone else, to be in my house on Friday and Saturday. I want to have a little bit for myself and not just for everyone around. What I wanted most, is finally to take off the masks I wore throughout life that allowed me to adapt myself to the environment and demanding situations, and just be me. Yes, I cry when I feel bad. Yes, I find it hard to cope. Yes, I am tired. Yes, I get hurt. Yes, I'm human!
An old friend told me that you need courage to make changes and that change has to come at the right time. Therefore, a small correction, my friend: change doesn't take courage and, from what I learned, it is never the right time! Despite everything, and against all odds, I got up and changed my life. Everyone around me was stunned. My parents were angry with me. Now many years later, they still ask me, "Don't you regret it?"
Yes. I regret that I did it at the age of thirty-three, and not much earlier.
No, I'm not a hero. I gave myself a few days of calm and immediately started my new life – since life doesn't wait around! I went straight to look for work. All my feelings of pain and disappointment gave way to huge enthusiasm when I wrote my resume for the first time in 13 years. Yes, I included a cover letter for those interested in my old life, a letter explaining in brief the changes I chose to make. I clicked 'send' and with it went on to my new life. I sent my resume, and walked literally into the unknown, to places that yesterday I did not think I would ever reach. Hardly a day passed and the gates of heaven opened. I discovered that when you finally do for yourself what you used to do only for others, you can succeed. I was amazed when all my applications were answered positively!! I had the freedom to decide and choose from among the best alternatives. No longer did I have to compromise or feel uncomfortable or not confident enough. . .
So, off I went to educate the next generation, as a secondary education teacher, both at school and at a private learning center that I opened immediately after I completed my military service. The beginning was difficult, but this difficulty was accompanied by great satisfaction, a feeling that accompanies me until today.
No one helped me on my new journey. I fell many times, but every time got up even stronger. Today I realize that God helps those who help themselves, and the truth is that He never let me down, even whenever success stepped down at another station and not at mine.
Finally, it reached even me – big time. Social networks have undoubtedly earned their reputation, and my name preceded me, both with the help of advertising and the warm words and recommendations of my students.
What do I want you to learn from my story? I do not need a pat on the back, thank God. Today I really appreciate myself! However, I want to tell you: do not be afraid to change. Never wait for the right time. It never comes. Get up now and change your future. We always succeed when our soul is connected to what we do. The heart is never wrong; it just hurts sometimes, but directs us to make us feel things better and stronger.
I'm here to help you change and be successful.
It will not be easy, but it will certainly be worth it!