Many parents tell me that they sit for hours with their children, explaining again and again, but the child does not understand. The parents become frustrated and the child feels he is disappointing them all the time. They always talk to me about the gap between their perception of the child as one who is capable, and the actual results.
It’s true. Parents should love their children unconditionally. Really? What do you mean by “unconditionally”? Is it their child’s educational /social success? Is it the certificate or document that measures him twice a year, which raises the level of his self- disappointment? Is this the social norm to which we have become accustomed? Success in studies, acquiring a senior position, pride, and making a good impression?
However, when a child deviates from the norm or the socially acceptable, then life becomes somewhat less comfortable and pleasant for the whole family. In short, despair increases and adds to the parents’ sense of failure, creating a mixture of mutual accusations that the child’s genetic composition is inherited from his parents along with some other capabilities that are not always realizable, repeatedly causing the child and the parents adaptation difficulties.
The time has come to break some myths and to look at reality from a different perspective. Parents, your disappointment stems from a lack of knowledge, and, as a result, a lack of understanding and acceptance of what is termed “attention and concentration deficit” (ADHD). The essence of knowledge in this area, not sufficiently explained to you, is based on the consequences resulting from your inability to weigh your child’s weaknesses against his skills on the one hand, and lack of disclosure and emphasis of the positive characteristics embedded in your child’s distinctive nature, on the other.
What should we do?
First of all, you must delete the anger born of these misunderstanding and non-acceptance of the behavioral, learning and emotional dissonances unrelated to or independent of the intentions and desires of the afflicted child, acting in complete contradiction to his own will.
Secondly, avoid the exhausting fatigue, much of which is due to incessant confrontation with anger, lack of acceptance, repeated disappointment and guilt; and next to it, of course, practical impotence resulting from clashes related to symptoms interfering with action.
Thirdly, a vision of the ideal parent should be left behind. The way you were brought up is not necessarily appropriate for your children today. Time has changed, and with time, determining and classifying measurements have changed.
Fourthly, the method of learning should be adapted to the needs of your child as written in the diagnosis, or as suggested by counseling. Help must be constant over time, and should help your child cope with learning tasks at school.
Fifthly, ensure that your child receives the adjustments suggested by the psychologist’s diagnosis and the school counselor. Help organize your child’s studies at every age.
Sixthly, take care of neatness and organization at home, the school bag in its place, the books on the shelf, and a study table devoid of anything than might distract the child’s attention. Also, avoid constantly directing the child to become independently organized, with repeated rebukes concerning disorder or similar. As a rule, avoid anger as much as possible at the unforgiving behavior of the child.
Guidance and advice for parents – what does it mean?
Guidance and advice for parents can be given at a one-time meeting or during a series of meetings according to the case and the need.
Professional tools relating to the following issues will be given at the meeting:
Setting clear boundaries as a condition for family harmony.
Neatness and organizational skills.
Self-esteem and self-image.
Self-confidence and physical confidence.
“During my guidance and counseling sessions, I learned how to set limits for children, how not to yell and scream all the time, and how to help my child prepare for school, the course and family recreation time.” (Na’ama).